While at a recent gay pride celebration, I was lucky enough to catch a set by professional drag performer RuPaul. At this particular event, there was a wedding chapel where same-sex couples could hold impromptu wedding ceremonies; something that was, at the time, legal in California. At the end of her show, RuPaul graciously thanked the audience and began leading the crowd in a call-and-answer:

“If there’s one thing you gotta remember: ‘It’s about LOVE.’ It’s about what?”, she held the microphone toward the audience with surprising authority…that queen is tall.

“LOVE!”
“It’s about WHAT!?”
“LOVE!!”

It was at that moment that I realized how often this concept is forgotten when the debate surrounding same-sex marriage is argued. We get so caught up in legalities, affronts to the church, and equal rights that we forget that marriage isn’t really about any of these things. It’s about love.

Think about how much we see or hear about love each and every day. For example, think of all the songs you hear on your way to work or school. A pretty high percentage of those songs deal with love in some way—tainted, forbidden, crazy, tender, endless and, my personal favorite, muskrat. Think about how many hours and hours people spend talking about love on TV, the radio, etc. etc.

Think about a wedding ceremony itself. What is it, really, but two people publicly expressing their love for one another. They are uniting at a moment that symbolizes the culmination of their relationship and demonstrating just how much they love each other; that they are prepared to spend the rest of their lives with each other. And this is no empty gesture—I mean, we only get one life, people. To spend the rest of your life until you’re old and gray and yelling at kids on your lawn with that one individual….that’s heavy stuff.

If we, as a society, are so obsessed about love, then why do we try to restrict people from expressing it?

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Homophobia and lack of understanding or acceptance that gay & lesbian people are very similar to heterosexual people is probably why there are attempts to restrict expressions of love through marriage and, sometimes, planning a family."

Prominent civil rights advocate Evan Wolfson said it best when he said that “marriage is a vocabulary, [a] vehicle that moves peoples’ understanding of who gay people are….whether there should be limitations or roles based on sex”. In other words, people are so hung up on marriage as a deep-seated “institution”, that they somehow miss the point entirely.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "There was a point in time when marriage was seen more as an institution because marriage meant procreation, dowries (or financial stability), or social status. In some cultures, some of this remains the same today, but in Western cultures (like the U.S.), I highly doubt that many people get married for the institutional reasons over love Yes, institutional factors may play an influence. However, one can argue that those institutional reasons for traditional marriage can still be found in gay marriages."

Why isn’t it possible for two men or women to love each other just as much as a man and a woman can?

Some people spend their entire lives in the search for a true love, so let’s allow anyone who finds that love experience it in its entirety. Let them marry!

Again, I defer to RuPaul, who said (or sang) it best: “All I know is love is love/ In this world there ain’t enough/ So why you wanna mess with us?/ When you know love is love/ Really ain’t no difference/ The why or what or who you’re with/ So why you have to question it?/ Don’t you know love is love?”

Preach on, sister.