As a gay man, I often find myself confused when I hear the word “gay” used in everyday conversation. In recent years, the word “gay” has become another word for “stupid” or “lame”. I might hear someone say that a certain car is “gay”, which makes me wonder if they mean the car is painted in pink glitter, flying a rainbow flag, and Boy George is blowing Carson Kessley a kiss from the driver’s seat, or just that the car is lame. Now, beside the fact that using the word “gay” to mean “stupid” is incredibly insulting to gay people, I think we could clear up a lot of misunderstanding by re-adopting the word “queer”.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "he word gay was once used to describe the feeling of happiness. If you watch classic TV and movies, or listen to older songs (particularly Christmas music), this word is commonly used in reference to happiness. It’s interesting to seehow this word has evolved in the past 60 years"

Originally, something “queer” was something that was out of the ordinary, strange, or just not quite right. You could also say that you feel “queer” if you had a belly ache or felt a cold coming on. The next incarnation of the word was a slur against homosexuals, most often effeminate men who engaged in passive oral or anal sex with other men. “Queer” is sometimes still used today as an anti-gay insult, but since the 1980’s, the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community has reclaimed the word. Sometimes, a minority group will take back a word that had previously been used to demean or oppress them, infuse it with positive energy, and use it as a term of empowerment.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: Yes, this can be seen in many racial groups where they will use previously insulting slurs and reclaim the term in a more positive light. It’s also found in other aspects. For example, The Vagina Monologues is the name of a play that is designed to empower women’s rights and bring forth awareness to women’s oppressive roles in society

“Queer” is used today as an umbrella term for anyone or anything that reflects a non-heteronormative sexual or gender identity. Basically, anything that is “gay” in the homosexual sense. Over the years, “queer” has become more and more accepted as a neutral term for homosexuals and transgendered individuals. Queer as Folk and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy are both hit television shows that have the word in the title, and many universities offer courses in queer theory and degrees in queer studies.

“Queer” can also be used as a form of self-identification or a more inclusive term for “LGBT” (sometimes “LGTBQQI” for lesbian, gay, transgender, bisexual, queer, questioning, and intersex). The acronym approach can sometimes be problematic. It often leaves out individuals who might not solidly identify with either a male or female gender (genderqueer), or people whose sexual or gender identity doesn’t otherwise fit neatly into one of those four categories, thereby excluding certain people from an already marginalized group. Also, the placement of the letters can imply a hierarchy within this group.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: Very interesting!

Some people might think that if the “L” comes before the “G”, that lesbians are somehow superior to gay men. And what happens when women who are attracted to women (otherwise known as lesbians) identify as “gay”? I believe that this acronym inefficiently expresses the tremendous diversity within the queer community.

For me, the best thing about using the word “queer” is that it just feels dang good to say! To take a word that was previously used as hate speech by the oppressive majority, own it, and make something positive of it is the ultimate slap in the face to homophobes and racists everywhere. After all, words don’t have any power by themselves – people give words their power. If queers as a community decide that “queer” isn’t going to have the negative connotation that it once did, then we could strip the words “faggot”, “dyke”, or “homo” of their negative power and reinvent them much like we have with “queer”.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: Some communities have organized events known as Dyke March to empower LGBTQ women and bring awareness, so some of that reinventing is occuring, but there is still much work that needs to be done

I personally refuse to let “queer” affect me in a negative way, and instead use the word as a source of empowerment.

However, the idea that people give words their power also means that “queer” can mean different things to different people. Some members of the community take issue with the word because they don’t see anything “strange” or “unusual” about their sexual or gender orientation. Others grew up in an era when the word was used exclusively as a slur, and for these people it can be painful to say or hear. Heterosexuals, even queer allies, should be careful how they use the word. In general, it is considered offensive for heterosexuals to use “queer”, even if the person to whom they are referring identifies as such.

If you decide not to use the word “queer” because you take offense to it, you are definitely not the only one, and no one can fault you for it. Whether you identify as gay, lesbian, or refrigerator, you are not defined by the labels society sticks onto you. Who you love shouldn’t define the entirety of your person, and however you choose to label one tiny aspect of yourself is a completely personal choice. “We’re here, we’re refrigerators, get used to it” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, but if that’s what feels right to you, go with it – start your own movement.