Abstinence is a word I first heard at the age of 14 when my mother said, “You should choose to be abstinent and not have sex, don’t even think about it!” That was a difficult thing to hear during high school because I was constantly curious about exploring my body and trying to learn how all of my emotions and feelings were working. Since then I’ve learned that abstinence has much more meaning than just not having sex. It’s personal decision that someone has the individual choice to make. Choosing abstinence was difficult for me because I had a long term boyfriend in high school constantly pressuring me to engage in sexual activity. It seemed like everyone around me was doing it, so how was I going to say no?

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend who is pressuring you to have sex when you don’t feel ready to have sex, it’s probably time to say goodbye to him or her. A good partner should not make you feel pressured. It may be a sign of an abusive relationship in the making. And friends are not called friends if they make you feel bad for not choosing to have sex either."

It was so important to know the reasons why I chose to be abstinent during that time and to be assertive when letting others know. Otherwise, if I was not forward about how I felt, the pressure would come at me in full force. While abstinence has its more familiar definitions, it does not necessarily mean you are a virgin. Abstinence, as commonly defined, is the conscious decision not to have sexual intercourse; it is the only 100% effective way to prevent a pregnancy and the very best way to prevent STI’s. Abstinence means that a person chooses not to have oral, anal or vaginal intercourse.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "YES! And abstinence can go further to include no naked genital to genital rubbing (also known as “dry sex” or “dry humping”) and no digital sex, which means using your hands or fingers to stimulate another partner’s genitals or anus."

There are many reasons that a person may choose to abstain from sexual intercourse: -Not feeling ready -Waiting for the right person (Marriage, boyfriend/girlfriend they love, feel comfortable with, trust) -Prevent an STI -Avoid an unwanted pregnancy -Future goals (like college or a job) -Religious reasons A common question people ask is “Can a person who has already had sexual intercourse still abstain?” The answer is YES. A person who has already engaged in sex always has the right to decide or change their mind to become abstinent for many different reasons like the ones listed above. I have periods of time during my life when I choose to be abstinent, it can be hard, but when I remind myself of my future goals it helps.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Indeed, abstinence can occur at any time, even if the person was sexually active in the past; and even when a person may want to wait for a relationship to mature and develop before making any decision to be sexually active again."

Although, we all know it is not that easy to say no to sex. There is constant pressure from the media, television, friends and boyfriends or girlfriends to have sex.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Media plays a big influence in how we think and how we behave, especially when it comes to sex. Look into media literacy to learn the ways you can be realistic about what is portrayed in the movies and television shows, and how poorly they reflect reality. Most of the time, it does not."

But if you find yourself in a situation where you may need to make a sexual decision, think about the reasons you have made the choice to be abstinent and what might affect your decision (like new relationships, drugs, alcohol, etc.) Also, think about people you can talk to that will help support your decision. In the situation, remind yourself of the consequences that may take place, think about your decision with a clear head. If you decide not to abstain, take the responsible steps to protect yourself to prevent STI’s or grab information on birth control.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Correct! It’s always beneficial to know information about how to protect yourself even if your goal is to be abstinent. It’s also a good idea to set your limits when it comes to sex. If you know what your limits are beforehand, you are more likely to stick to it. For example, if you know that your limit is to just kiss or hug, and not to have sex, you’re more likely to stick to your limit if you’ve clearly thought about it beforehand."

Having good communication with others or sexual partners can help when making a decision like being abstinent. It is important to be clear, confident and firm when expressing your reasons on why you choose to be abstinent.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Clear and assertive (not aggressive or passive) communication is essential!"

Otherwise, people may try to pressure you into sexual intercourse if you seem passive and you are not clear and direct in expressing your choice. Saying no is okay. When it comes to making a choice about sexual intercourse, male and females equally have the right to say no at any time.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "True, it is not always the stereotypical situation of a female saying no to a male. Males have equal choice to say no to females, and so do gay or lesbian couples."

A person has the right to say no even if someone: buys them dinner, threatens to break up with them, says they love them, or if they’ve had sex before. There are many other ways to express love or feeling toward another person than just sex. People can get closer by creating trust, talking, listening, sharing, eating and just having fun together!